Contemplating Childhood Influences
My book club’s July selection was a catalyst to dig deeper into my family history. My mom was raised by a black maid in the late 1930s through 1950s. Before reading the novel “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett for the book club, I had never thought about her upbringing. Because of the book, I got a chance to learn more about my mom and her family.
Family Background:
May 21, 1937: My mom, Elydreth Lee Russo, was born May 21, 1937, in Cleveland, Ohio. The family moved to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, shortly thereafter. Mom grew up on Lake Aluma in Oklahoma City. She has a sister, Odilia, that is one year younger, and twin brothers, Peter and Petrina, that are 7 years younger.
Elizabeth “Lizzie” Haywood was hired by my grandparents to help run the household. Both grandparents were busy doctors, so they needed help raising four children. In contrast, Lizzie raised five children on her own.
1957: Dr. Magdeline Russo, my grandmother, had a double mastectomy.
May, 1959: Lee Russo, my mom, graduated from college and got a job in Enid, Oklahoma.
October, 1960: My Mom took my Dad home to meet her family for the first time. My Dad vividly remembers meeting my grandparents, the twins, and Lizzie. He can describe the lunch in detail. The twins were 16 years old at the time.
June, 1961: My parents married, and my mom became Elydreth Russo Horton,
February, 1963: Dr. Peter Russo, my grandfather, had a heart attack while playing golf with three other doctors and died.
May, 1974: Dr. Magdeline Russo died.
My Quandary
I wanted to know more about my mom's childhood -- specifically the relationship with the maid that raised her. I didn't understand this or have a perspective about it until I read “The Help,” which brought up many questions. So I wrote some questions to ask her and Odilia and listened as they described their upbringing.
July 25, 2010: Monday night interview with Lee Horton
1. When did you first meet Lizzie? Or what is your earliest memory of her?
Elydreth: She was always around growing up. Lizzie raised 5 kids of her own on her own.
Odilia: Lizzie was my mother’s best friend. She came about 7 a.m., driving a little farther east than we did. Her husband, Jesse, used to bring Lizzie for several years until our mom taught her how to drive (going around the lake). I was in the fourth grade when Lizzie came to work for us. I don’t know how our mom found her.
2. What chores did Lizzie do?
Elydreth: There was always someone wet and hungry. Mainly cooking, cleaning, ironing sheets, raising kids, laundry.
Odilia: Lizzie helped our mom with the cleaning, washing, ironing, and some cooking for a family of six. She spent one day a week ironing. Lizzie went home about 4 or 4:30 p.m. every day. Every Saturday afternoon, she would be sewing while mother was sitting next to her listening to an opera on the radio and following along with her libretto book. She would talk to Lizzie about the opera and what was going on. Lizzie finally divorced Jesse.
3. What was Lizzie's signature dish?
Elydreth: Soup from scratch -- not the open-the-can type like today.
Odilia: Lizzie left before dinner. Sometimes she might make a pie. Our mom taught her how to make spaghetti sauce. She taught mom how to can. When we had a cow, she helped our mom milk the cow.
4. How do you think your parents treated Lizzie?
Elydreth: Very well. She was paid for all the extra work that came up. She was treated like one of the family.
Odilia: Lizzie was our mother’s best friend. Racism wasn’t even a word in our home nor was there any discrimination. It was not an issue.
5. How would you describe Lizzie? What was her personality?
Elydreth: She was a wonderful cook Sweet, incredible. Lizzie treated us like we were her own.She was a hard worker.She had a lot of experience and common sense, not a lot of education.
Odilia: Lizzie was an average-size lady with big bosoms. One time “Mr. Onry,” Peter, was hiding under the dining room table trying to see up her dress while she was mopping. Of course she caught him, and her voice would go real high as she asked him what he was doing. He must have been 4 or 5 years old. Lizzie was very laid back. She and our mom complimented each other. Our mom was more depressed after she had breast cancer.
6. What did Lizzie teach you that you will never forget?
Elydreth: It was all by example; she didn't preach to the choir.
Odilia: Lizzie helped our mom kill centipedes, snakes, and scorpions in our basement where the clothes washer was. She would tell our mom if someone misbehaved and our mom would do her disciplining and, if it was bad enough, “Wait ‘til your father gets home.” She was the kind of person once you met her and got acquainted, you don’t see color ever again.
7. Did you have a separate bathroom for Lizzie to use?
Elydreth: No, she was treated like one of the family. I already told you that.
Odilia: –Never.
8. What did she teach you?
Elydreth: Lizzie taught me how to sew, cook -- everything.
9. What was your relationship with Lizzie?
Elydreth: Lizzie treated us like we were her own. She loved us.
10. Did you invite Lizzie to your wedding? Did she have any duties?
Elydreth: Lizzie was invited. She came to the wedding and she was a guest. Jaydene manned the punch bowl and there was not an official duty for her. Just enjoy herself.
11. Do you think racism is inherent or taught?
Elydreth: Both.Taught and observe it.
Odilia: Taught. Children see color as such. There was great prejudice in this country against Italians when our family moved to Oklahoma. In fact, our mom wanted to drop the “o” at the end of our name. In grade school, kids used to make fun of the color of my skin. Not many olive-colored skin back then. People still ask me occasionally what nationality I am. My dad would tell me to answer, “I am an American of Italian descent.” My dad was on edge as to whether he would be voted in at the country club. He loved to play golf and he had three or four fellow doctor friends who changed clubs and he wished to continue to play with them. He was accepted for a membership. I was very happy for him.
12. Do you think there are still vestiges of racism in relationships where people of color work for people that are white?
Elydreth: Yes.
13. What lines do you think we should cross to eliminate racisim?
Elydreth: Color was not an issue. Lizzie reached out to us and treated us like we were one of hers.
Summary
Sometimes in life you go down roads not knowing where they’ll lead. It's a risk to start poking around by asking questions and perhaps discovering that someone deceased might be different than you thought. I started asking my mother questions because I was curious how she felt about being raised by someone in addition to her biological mother, what she thought about civil rights, and how my grandparents felt about people of color. I didn’t have enough information about my grandparents to know whether there was a river of racism in the family.
I actually had the pleasure of meeting Lizzie in May 1974 when I was 10 years old and in the fourth grade. However, the occasion was sad in that my Grandmother Russo had just lost her long fight with cancer. I remember my cousins, my sister, and I quietly sitting on the floor in the living room where we listened to one amazing story after another told by Lizzie. She recounted stories about our Mom that were bigger than our imaginations. Lizzie was a great storyteller and kept our attention for an afternoon.
I wish at 10 years old that I was as aware of influences as I am now. I would have hugged and thanked Lizzie for everything said and unsaid, because the lessons in life that Lizzie taught my mom trickled down to me.
Life is cyclical -- one person caring for another and that person caring for another and so on. A black maid's influence on a young woman that later became a mom and thereafter influenced how she raised her own children.
Maybe I am slow and just now understand it. I know what I know and am who I am because of many influences, but it started with my mom's influence. And my mom was loved, raised, and influenced by a black maid and mother named Lizzie Haywood.
